Hai ho!
This post is for you who are getting serious in your relationships with your significant other. If you are considering of marrying him or her, now is the right time to realize that his/her family plays a great part too! After all, we're in the eastern society where family comes first.
How important is family?
Let's just say, when you get married, you're not only married to that spouse of yours only, but also to THE WHOLE FAMILY. A bit scary, isn't it? So let's do it right.
"Marriage is a process of dealing with differences and adapting to them. A process of managing your expectations and accepting what you have instead. All in the name of love. You do it all because you love him or her so much and you're willing to sacrifice to make this work."
That's the first and foremost rule. Be sincere and don't do things because you feel pressured or with expectations that later on things are gonna change. Love needs to be worked out, too.
Now what's the deal with parents?
First.
They would want to know who their precious child is dating. So, they would be super curious about you, especially when they know that you two are getting serious.
What to do:
APPEAR clean. Whenever there's a chance to meet the parents, present yourself in an acceptable manner. They haven't had time to know who you really are, so they WILL judge you based on your appearance.
Boys, clean means: shave, neat, dry. Do not stink. Do not come before your future in laws soaked in sweat. Do not wear belel shirts and pants. Please, do not embarrass your girl!
Girls, clean means: not slutty, not snobby. Girls usually don't have any problem being clean, but they sometimes have problem being pretty. Sometimes they overdo it. My advice is, not too much makeup. Natural touch is always better. Not too many branded products on your body, it only shows them you're a highmaintenance girl. Even if your boyfriend is filthy rich. The parents don't know you very well, you don't want them to think you're a gold digger. Simple but neat clothes, not too short, not too tight. You don't want to give a sexy impression on your future in laws.
APPEAR polite. If your parents never taught you about manners, it's time to learn now. Learn how to make small talks especially to older people, learn how to laugh at unfunny jokes, learn how to create a body language that is polite in every way. Do not speak casually to his or her parents as if they are your parents. Do not walk freely to your boyfriend's room as if you own the house. Do not touch his parents' things. Do not do any body contact with your boy/girlfriend in front of his/her parents. You want to show them that you're a friendly person, but not too friendly. Remember, they are the ones judging you, not you judging them. So, even if you are uncomfortable at their housd, don't ever show how you hate that the floor is dirty or that the house smells weird. Don't appear like you're ready to runaway ASAP.
Next step.
Just like your parents, his or her parents are in doubt of letting you go and marry your significant other. They don't want to lose their child. They want to make sure that their son or daughter will be loved so much and will be taken care of just like they took care of him or her since the day he/she was born. And, they want to know if they would still have a place in their son/daughter's life or they will be fully removed by, well, you.
What to do:
Now is the time to show your true character, done with the outer impression. What do you want them to find in you?
THAT YOU ARE dependable. You are someone they can count on. Especially boys - when your future father in law is having a flat tire, help him! Whatever important thing you need to do can wait. And boys again - return their daughter always before midnight, or whatever curfew they might have (mine was 10 pm); it shows that you respect their rules and you are responsible. Boys - be helpful at all times! Carry heavy things; change the light bulb; drive your future mom in law to the mini market when she needs to buy salt. Always put their needs before you. It shows you are dependable and responsible and humble. One more thing: brush up on your general knowledge! You might not know a thing about what's going on in the world or in politics, but it just tells that you're an ignorant person. Her dad may want to discuss politics with you, so you'd better get ready!
How about girls? Well, be helpful too. Wash up your own dirty dishes (and others, too) and pick up the crumbs on the floor. Sweep the floor if needed, too. But don't tell his mom how to run the house, no need to point out the dirty spots she missed. For girls, you can be a great helper by reminding your boyfriends of the things important but he might forget - like his mother's birthday, or his promise to buy his mother a new cookware, and bring his dad's favorite donut when you swing by at their place.
THAT YOU WILL love your in-laws just like you love your own parents.
Now this is not easy. How can you love a total stranger? How do you think of them as your own parents? Especially if one of them is so annoying and their customs are so different?
Well, start with always remembering that these people love your boy/girlfriend so much, even more than you. And your boy/girlfriend loves them so much, maybe more than they love you. So it is definitely not a competition.
Seringkali banyak wanita merasa perlu berkompetisi dgn mama mertuanya - memperebutkan kasih sayang si suami. Mungkin juga karena suami mengharapkan istrinya seperti mamanya - masak paling enak, selalu melayani dan memberikan apa yg dia inginkan dan butuhkan. Well, I think this is super wrong.
Mama dan istri adalah dua hal yg sangat berbeda. Beda fungsi, beda peranan, beda bagian. Kalau suami minta istri menjadi seperti mamanya, hai para wanita, tell him to just go marry his own mother.
Let his mom be his mom. Seringkali banyak wanita bukannya menjadi istri, malah menjadi mama untuk suaminya, dengan terlalu banyak mengontrol dan mengoceh. Just stop.
Lalu, mulailah menyetel pola pikirmu dengan melihat mereka sebagai orangtuamu sendiri. Do the same thing to them as you would do to your own parents. Dalam meresponi kebutuhan mertuamu, samakan seperti kamu meresponi kebutuhan orangtuamu sendiri. Hormati mereka, kasihi mereka, pikirkan masa tua mereka, jaga mereka. The same goes to your sisters and brothers-in-law. Jangan rela mentraktir adikmu sendiri tapi pelit sama adik suamimu. Jangan rela menjemput adik perempuanmu tapi malas menjemput adik istrimu.
This is my last tip: hukum tabur tuai selalu ada. If you treat your parents and your in-laws badly, someday you will also be treated badly by your children and their husbands/wives. Dan sebaliknya. Anakmu melihat bagaimana kamu memperlakukan orangtua dan mertuamu, dan dia akan tumbuh dan melakukan persis yg kamu lakukan.
